DAY 10 - World Suicide Prevention Day 2021

 

Every year, World Suicide Prevention Day falls on September 10th. 

This year, take a moment to reach out to those you care about who have high risk factors for suicide.

If you know a trans person, or a child who is being bullied, reach out. If you know a veteran with PTSD or someone who endured childhood trauma that resulted in CPTSD, reach out. If you know someone who struggles with bipolar disorder, or major depressive disorder, or OCD, or any other mental illness, reach out. If you know someone who struggles with addiction or alcoholism or an eating disorder, reach out. Maybe you know someone who has attempted suicide before, or someone who has lost someone to suicide (both of which are suicide risk factors, too) - reach out.

Today is a good day to reach out to the people you are concerned about, the people you love, and the people whose lives have been touched by suicide. Sometimes one conversation, one reminder, one person telling another that they love them - sometimes this is all that is needed in order to shift someone from thinking about suicide, to thinking about getting help. 

Reach out.

Mary Kay Bergman

Mary Kay Bergman initially credited on the animated television show, South Park, as Shannen Cassidy, was an American voice actress and voice-over teacher.

In 1989, she began voicing the Disney character Snow White. Bergman is widely known for her voice work in the earliest seasons of South Park and The Fairly OddParents. She did voice work for over 400 television commercials and voiced over 100 cartoon, movie & video game characters throughout her career.

Mary Kay Bergman suffered from Bipolar disease as well as generalized anxiety disorder. On November 11, 1999, she lost her life to suicide. Bergman was thirty eight years old.

Mary Kay Bergman 

June 5, 1961 – November 11, 1999

Sharing the Same Passion

This week I had to opportunity to speak with Keith O'Neil. If you don't know his name already, let me tell you a little about his accomplishments.

Keith grew up in Amherst, New York. He comes from a family that is passionate about football. His father is former NFL linebacker Ed O'Neil, and his brother Keven played football for Syracuse University.   

Keith's own football talent was evident by high school. In college at Northern Arizona University, he was a four-year letterman and three-year starter with 225 career stops, 20 sacks, 49 tackles for losses, and three interceptions.

In 2003, O'Neil entered the NFL when he was signed by the Dallas Cowboys. He played with the Cowboys for two seasons.

Following playing for the Cowboys, O'Neil played for the Indianapolis Colts. In 2006, he earned a Super Bowl ring when the Colts beat the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XLI.

I have a great deal of admiration for Keith for many reasons. Though impressive, it's not his athletic accomplishments that are chief among my reasons. I admire Keith because of who he is as a person. I admire him because of his courage and his advocacy.

I admire Keith O'Neil because recently he posted this on his Twitter page:

Keith O'Neil has bipolar disorder. Over the past decade, he has become a vocal advocate for the mentally ill, devoting himself to ending stigma and to helping fund critically needed research. I was excited when Keith offered to share his story with me. 

I'm happy to share with you what Keith has to say about living with bipolar disorder. 

Keith first began experiencing symptoms when he was a child, but he didn't understand what was going on. He'd have insomnia at night when he was anxious, and then there'd be days when he was so depressed, it was difficult for him to get up and do things. Those around him didn't recognize that he was beginning to struggle with bipolar. He was often given the message that he just needed to settle down, or that he just needed to stop 'lying around.'

As a young adult and despite realizing his dream of playing for the NFL, he still struggled. After his first season with the Dallas Cowboys, he told head coach Bill Parcells about his anxiety and insomnia - both hallmarks of the manic side of bipolar. At the time, Keith thought the best thing for him to do would be to retire from professional football. However, Parcells and the team said that they would do their best to get Keith the help he needed so that he could continue playing. 

Two years later, he moved on to play for the Indianapolis Colts, but his bipolar symptoms resurfaced. His anxiety became so hard to manage that four days before opening day he again reached out for help, this time from head coach Tony Dungy.

However, without a clear diagnosis, Keith continued to suffer. Eventually he stopped playing altogether. At one point he felt so despondent, he attempted suicide.

It wasn't until he was 30 years old that he was finally diagnosed as bipolar. Given the diagnosis, suicidal ideation on Keith's part wasn't surprising. Studies show that up to 50% of those with bipolar will make a suicide attempt at some point during their life. The risk is especially high for those who do not have effective treatment.

For Keith, the formal diagnosis of bipolar was initially very painful for him. He says the stigma around mental health issues had a negative impact on his ability to get help and move forward.

"For a year and a half I didn’t tell anyone about my diagnosis, except my immediate family and a few close friends. I was scared to tell others because of fear of what they would think. It was very difficult because as a professional athlete, my life was always very public. Now I was living a secret. The shame and secrecy I felt was as bad as the illness itself."

Eventually, Keith realized that he didn't want others to suffer the same way he was. He began to speak out.

"I want others to know there is no shame in it," he says.

Keith wanted to get his message out to as many people as possible. He is now an internationally known speaker on the topic of mental health awareness. He has written a book, Under My Helmet, A Football Player's Lifelong Battle with Bipolar Disorder.

Although he feels he has now found the right combination of treatments in order to manage his illness, one of his frustrations with his bipolar journey was how difficult it was to find effective medication.

"There was a point when I felt like a medication guinea pig," he says.

Keith has empathy for those who are experiencing the same frustration. "I want there to be an easier way to prescribe medication for those living with bipolar," he explains. 

To those who are still struggling with mental illness, he knows that the process of finding the right treatment can be frustrating. He has this to say to them:

"Give it time. We all know the saying 'Time heals all wounds'. It’s true." 

Keith is very encouraging. "If you work hard, exercise, take your medication, find purpose, etc., you can find recovery."

And Keith has a very straightforward message to those who struggle with wanting to end their life.

“Don’t do it.”

He encourages people to remember their loved ones, and to have hope. He wants people to know that things do get better.

Of his own suicide attempt, Keith says "I feel blessed to still be alive. I realize now that life is a gift and you only have one. If I'd been successful in my attempt, there would have been so many beautiful things I would have missed, like the love that has flourished with my wife, and watching my son grow up. " 

One of the reasons why I was excited to feature Keith O'Neil on this blog is because it's clear that he's not only empathetic with those who suffer with mental illness, but he is also compassionate toward those like me, who have lost their loved ones to suicide.

I mentioned to Keith that the pain experienced by survivors is often complicated by guilt or blame. I asked him if he wanted to share something with those who are experiencing this type of complicated grief.

Keith admitted that the thought of losing someone this way is overwhelming. "You saved the hardest question for last," he told me. And yet about survivors taking on guilt, he was resolute.

"It’s not your fault. Suicide is an illness in itself."

When it comes to his efforts to end stigma and make a difference in the mental health arena, Keith knows that he has a lot to feel good about. Most especially, he is proud of the number of people his book and foundation have reached.

Of his advocacy work, Keith says "It’s very rewarding and gives me purpose, something I didn’t have when I was at my sickest moment."

It was an honor to speak to Keith O'Neil. He answered a lot of questions, but it was something he said to me in the very first message I received from him that touched my heart the most.

"Thanks for all you do Chelise, it's very important and we share the same passion."

I understand on a very personal level what it is like to use painful experiences as a motivation to help others. When it comes to turning around stigma, speaking out publicly, and most importantly - reaching out to those whose lives have been touched by mental illness and suicide - indeed, Keith O'Neil is right. He and I share the same passion.

I hope that Keith knows that he's not only helping those who are struggling with mental health issues, but he is also helping those of us who are trying to speak out the same way that he is. I can't thank him enough. And as for being in his company, I couldn't be more proud to be a fellow advocate.

You can find Keith's book on Amazon, here: 

Under My Helmet: A Football Player's LIfelong Battle wiht Bipolar Disorder:

Sharing a Part of Herself

Madeline Head visiting Ireland, Cliffs of Moher

Stigma around mental illness impacts every aspect of recovery. Individuals are made to feel ashamed and responsible for the emotional impact their disease has on them and others. Prioritization of finding effective treatment and allocation of funding for existing resources, are all hindered by stigma.

When you combine a mental illness diagnosis that is particularly stigmatized, alongside a high rate of suicidality, it is critical that we learn more about the illness and that we make effective treatment available to all. One such particularly stigmatized condition is borderline personality disorder (BPD).

Historically, BPD has not been well understood by those who suffer from the condition, nor by professionals in the mental health field. For decades, BPD sufferers were told their their illness was treatment resistant and that there was little that could be done.

Common symptoms of BPD include self-harm, extreme duress over difficult interpersonal relationships, and a high rate of suicidality. Expecting those diagnosed with the condition to accept its poor treatment prognosis is neither fair nor appropriate.

Close to ten percent of those suffering from borderline personality disorder will die by suicide. Destigmatizing BPD and prioritizing research into effective evidence based treatment is urgently needed in order to save lives.

As with all stigmatized conditions, speaking up is one of the best ways to combat the damage that stigma can do. Still, it takes a very brave person to be willing to step up and say that they have been diagnosed with a condition that is misunderstood by so many.

Madeline Head lives in Richmond, Virginia. After several years of struggling with interpersonal relationships and painful behaviors such as self harming, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type II) and borderline personality disorder.

Because she felt that her mental health diagnoses werre so overwhelming, Madeline says that at first she didn't want to believe it was true. 

"I refused to accept this because of fear about how people would react to me, as well as certain stigmas."

Madeline says that her inability to accept her illnesses began to change when she came close to suicide.

"I was days away from ending my life when my family stepped in and saved me. I owe my life to them and I love them so very much."

One of the challenges with BPD is that there aren't significant treatment protocols that are showing efficacy at treating the condition. The prioritization of more research is important, especially given the prevalence of the condition in mental health care settings.

Despite the fact that BPD has had a poor reputation in mental health communities, opinions are changing. Defying previous suggestions that the condition was entirely treatment resistant, in recent years it has been shown that cognitive and dialectical behavioral therapies (CBT and DBT) are very successful when used to manage symptoms.

Cognitive behavioral therapy skills for dealing with painful emotions and impulses.

In addition to learning to accept her diagnoses and working to manage her symptoms, Madeline uses writing in order to channel her feelings. She also wanted to fight the stigma and misunderstandings surrounding mental health conditions, so she made the brave decision to make her writing public. You can find her essays on her aptly named blog, Healing By Educating.

Madeline describes the difficulties of managing both bipolar and BPD as particularly challenging. 

"I also struggle with living a healthy and stable life without dramatic ups and downs daily." 

The suicidal ideation experienced by sufferers of both bipolar and BPD are startling, and they concern both Madeline and her loved ones.

"I am constantly fighting a battle of suicidal thoughts, but not wanting to die," she says.

For Madeline, part of accepting the disease has meant coping with the present lack of significantly effective treatment. 

"I have extreme intrusive thoughts of dying. These thoughts will probably never leave me alone." 

However, Madaline says that communicating her suicidal feelings with others is critical to managing those urges. 

"This is not easy," she says, "But I am lucky enough to have a family that understands the difference between suicidal thoughts and feelings (intrusive thoughts) from wanting to end my own life."

Madeline also acknowledges how important it is that loved ones understand the signs of suicidal ideation. She credits her family's having known the signs of a potential suicide, for saving her life.

"I was days away from ending my life, when my family stepped in."

Madeline says that there is a history of mental illness in her family and this is a part of what has made her family supportive and understanding. But with friends, unless they are educated about the symptoms of bipolar and borderline personality disorder, it is often difficult for them to accept or understand her symptoms.

Because those with BPD experience a heightened fear of abandonment, maintaining strong interpersonal relationships can be difficult. Often the resulting social isolation exacerbates the pain of the condition.

Madeline describes the overwhelming feelings as 'having the world thrown at her'. It is through her proactive efforts to manage her illness, that she remains functional and often thrives. She credits mindfulness and extensive therapy as being vital to overcoming her illness.

"I have learned how to stifle the darkness. I am learning how to exude affection, happiness, and thoughtfulness even when I can barely get out of bed in the morning."

She encourages all fellow sufferers of mental illness to surround themselves with supportive people and to reach out to them regularly.

"I have noticed that when I have my hardest days, it is because I am not communicating to my loved ones."

Because she understands the importance of communication on a larger scale as well, Madeline shares her writing and experiences on more than just her blog.

"I fight everyday to bring awareness to something that haunts me and holds me hostage." 

In an article for the blogger collective, She in the CLE, Madeline writes:

"I am not crazy because I have these disorders. I am not dangerous. I am not looking for attention. I am not broken. I am not able to just snap out of it."

Madeline Head, 2014

Perhaps it is on her blog's 'About Me' page that Madeline best puts her reasons for sharing her experiences with others.

"I am incredibly blessed to be sharing a part of myself with you. I am a person with mental illness. I do not let my diagnosis define who I am or how I live each day." 

Madeline's efforts speak to her courage, and they are making an impact on the stigma that contributes to suicidal feelings in all who suffer from bipolar and BPD. Ultimately, fighting stigma saves lives.

While she feels blessed to share a part of herself with others, all of those diagnosed with mental illness conditions are blessed by Madeline's sharing as well.

You can find Madeline's blog, Healing By Educating, here.

You can find Madeline's twitter page, below: