Responsible reporting when it comes to suicide, is so important. Suicide is a public health issue. It is not sensationalistic. It should not be treated any differently. Irresponsible reporting can lead to a spike in suicides following high profile losses, or in communities after a community member dies by suicide.
Responsible reporting about suicide is not just a journalistic standard. Potentially, it saves lives.
If you are writing about suicide or sharing your experiences publicly, in large audiences, or in the media (including social media) these are the guidelines that are important to follow. Please keep them in mind. I do, whenever I write.
Rather than re-invent the wheel, I will share the sources I always refer to when I need reminders. I hope this information will be helpful to you too.
From the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:
And a quick primer from Samaritans Media Guidelines:
The language we use when we are talking about suicide matters.In some situations, subtle differences in language come down to more than just semantics. Often, language is the initial framework we use in order to categorize or interpret actions. In fact, this framework is one of the objectives of language itself.
Because suicide is so stigmatized, we often have trouble talking about it. Understanding the subtleties of the language we use or even knowing what to say, can be confusing. That being said - I will speak for many of us whose lives who have been touched by suicide:
Please stop saying 'committed suicide'.
I could go on and on about this. I could beg people to be more considerate, more thoughtful, more understanding, or to just educate themselves about the causes of suicide. Today though, I am not going to beg. Besides, all of those things are blog posts of their own. For the sake of this one, I will try to simplify.
Consider this: for survivors of suicide loss and for survivors of suicide attempts - the connotation (the definition itself) of the word 'committed' only serves to increase stigma and exacerbate pain:
carry out or perpetrate (a mistake, crime, or immoral act).
"he committed an uncharacteristic error"
For most of us whose lives have been touched by suicide, hearing the term 'committed suicide' is hurtful.
I don't want to beg you to understand that we are in enough pain already. My hope is that our pain alone is enough to help you to reconsider the terminology you are using.
While I recognize this isn't always the case, the vast majority of those who have died by suicide had been dealing with mental illness. Therefore, the suicidality was a symptom of their illness. Because of this, it is inaccurate and somewhat cruel to use language that squarely places the blame for their death on an immoral act they were responsible for.
For those who are not dealing with mental health issues, we are often unable to comprehend the depth of pain that it can cause. And mental illness can also contribute to all of these things as well: a decrease in pain tolerance; an inability to understand long term consequences; and, a lack of impulse control. Put all those things together, and without adequate treatment mental illness becomes potentially fatal.
Please consider that mental illness is also about things that we, as a culture (and even scientifically) are only just beginning to understand. The impact of trauma, the subtle balance of chemical activity in the brain, the delicate nature of neural pathways and the impact on a person when those neural pathways are disturbed or broken. These things are the causes of potentially fatal mental illness. While we don't fully understand all of these causes (yet) - what we can say is that none of those things are the fault of the person who is suffering.
As a person who endures mental illness, let me put this even more clearly:
I did not choose to be ill. I do not want to be ill. Often, this illness hurts. Often, this illness breaks my own heart. Often, I am fearful that I will lose my own life to this illness.
My life is spent constantly trying to address and manage the symptoms of my illness. Some days are better than others. But never, am I 'committing' my mental illness on you.
Sadly, oftentimes the thoughts that complicate my own suicidality are directly related to the language our culture uses. Specifically, if I was worthy of life, I would stop committing the crime of suffering from mental illness.
Mental illness is not the fault of the person who is suffering. Please, see it for what it is and change your language accordingly. We do not say 'he committed cancer.' We do not say 'she committed heart disease' We do not say 'he committed alzheimers'
Please stop saying that those who lost their lives to the symptoms of mental illness 'committed' suicide.
Please. Stop.
Here is language that is more appropriate:
They died by suicide.
They lost their life to suicide.
Suicide was the cause of their death.
Or, to be even more accurate you could say: "They were mentally ill, and their illness was fatal."
Please stop indicting me and my loved ones and all of us who struggle with mental illness. Please stop criminalizing those of us who are struggling still, and those who have already lost their lives.
I don't want to beg you.
But I am begging you.
Please stop using the terminology: 'committed' suicide.
Today marks the premier of ABC's new television series, A Million Little Things. I wanted to talk a little about the television show, especially given its premise, which has to do with how a suicide impacts the survivors left behind.
A few disclaimers:
Beyond the previews (you can see one yourself, below), I have not seen the pilot in its entirety.
I am not a professional television critic.
And finally, the name of the character on the show who dies by suicide, is John. John was my boyfriend's name and that makes part of the introductory dialogue in the preview difficult for me to hear. ("You aren't going to believe this. John killed himself.") My difficulty in that innocuous part of the show may be influencing this blog post. Just an FYI.
Ok, having said all that, here is what I want to offer:
If you choose to watch this show and you are a survivor of suicide loss or a survivor of a suicide attempt, it may bring up difficult thoughts and emotions. Give yourself permission to turn off the tv, change the channel, or watch it another day.
Some survivors may feel that they are fine and ready to watch this type of subject matter (or they may be curious about how the topic is handled). However, remember that negative memories and/or feelings can be unexpected. It can help to give yourself permission ahead of time to remove yourself from situations that you find overwhelming. You do not have to push yourself f to watch certain scenes or any of the show, at all.
Arrange to watch it with a friend or loved one if you can. Having someone with you may help you to feel supported while watching. It can also help to to have someone to talk to during or after the show. Be sure that you and the person you are watching with agree to accept the decision if either of you needs to turn off the tv or change the channel.
Sometimes, we are distressed by memories that are brought up during an event, but the impact doesn't hit us until hours or even days later. Be prepared over the next few days for unexpected stress, anxiety, sadness or more acute grief to come up. Again, have a plan for if this happens. Perhaps there is a friend or a counselor you can call.
Whether it is a television show like this or any other event that brings up painful memories, be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to avoid the situation if necessary. Always ensure that you have others to talk to when these things occur. Talking about the feelings you experience when you are overwhelmed can be very helpful in taking the power out of those feelings. However, pay attention to emotional 'flooding' when talking about your memories. Avoid discussing detailed memories, which can serve to re-traumatize. If you find that your voice is rising or you are beginning to speak very fast, or if you feel heightened anxiety while talking, try to slow yourself down. Take some deep breaths. Remind yourself that you can talk about your feelings a little later, or just in small increments.
Next, let's talk about responsible media representations and presentations of suicicde related material. Whether you have been directly impacted by suicide or not, it is very helpful to know the following guidelines. If the show seems to be pushing the boundaries in these areas, please consider being an advocate for suicide prevention and contact ABC to let them know that you would like them to handle the topic differently moving forward. Please note - again, I have not seen the show, so I am hopeful that all of the guidelines are already in place.
First, it is critically important that the Suicide Prevention Lifeline number (1-800-273-8255) is made available at either the beginning of the show or the end of the show (or preferably, both.) This is particularly important because this subject matter does have the capacity to exacerbate some people's thoughts of suicide. Being reminded that there is a lifeline available is very helpful and could even save lives.
Third, it is important that she show not get into the gory details of the suicide. It is always best if the act itself is not portrayed on the show, and that there is no overly descriptive language. There shouldn't be lengthy discussions of portrayls of the method used either. (They could potentially be construed as a 'how-to' lesson.)
Finally, it is important when reporting on suicide, that the focus include the pain of those left behind. (I am very hopeful that this will be the case on this show, given it's is supposed to be about those who are left behind.)
Having said all of that, I want to note that at this juncture (not having seen the show), I am really pleased that this subject matter is being addressed during prime time television. Offering opportunities for people to learn more about suicide and giving them a better understanding of the experience of not just those who are suicidal;, but also those left behind, is critical to fighting stigma.
And for my fellow survivors of suicide loss, whether you choose to watch the show or not, know that my heart is with us all and I have high hopes that shows like this will help others to be more kind and understanding about our grief and about suicide in general.
