Day 18 - Bullied To Death

No one heals himself by wounding another.
― St. Ambrose

I guess I should start with this. I feel strongly that when one person dies by suicide, it is not the fault of another person. Despite conflicts. Despite hurtful words. Despite fights, heartbreak, painful boundaries, or making mistakes. Even big mistakes. Suicide is not the fault of another person.

Conflicts, struggles, and painful life circumstances are very often a part of the story of the person who dies by suicide. Some of these are terrible conflicts. People can say horrible things to each other in the heat of an argument. Frustration can bring out the ugliest part of us. The impact that mental illness has on a relationship is confusing at best and tragic at worst.

Often the mental illness that complicates and intensifies conflicts between two people is the same mental illness that lends itself to suicidal despair, or that fuels irrational and impulsive behavior that leads to a death by suicide (even before an argument has a chance to settle or be worked out).

In these cases, what I have seen is survivors of suicide loss who are ravaged by guilt. Suicide takes the life of one person and then guilt destroys the lives of those left behind.

I want to tell the survivors of suicide loss the same things that all experts on suicide would say:

It is not your fault that you did not know any better.

It is not your fault that you yourself did not have enough resources or enough information to understand someone's mental illness or how to help them.

It's not your fault that frustration and pain and chaos entered into your own life and that you reacted.

Try to remember, it is a sad truth but people do betray each other. People do fight. Divorces happen.

Heartbreak happens. People lose their possessions and homes and even lose custody of children due to these ugly circumstances. And yet, people do not take their lives because of it.

Suicidal despair is the result of many things, but it is not caused by conflict with loved ones. It is not appropriate nor is it accurate to blame a suicide death on someone else, even if that person was involved in a conflict with the person who died. Even if the person who died overtly blamed someone else, either as part of their last words or in a note. I feel very strongly about this, and I am not alone. Other people are not the cause of a suicide.

With one exception.

Bullies.

Bullies intentionally use words, humiliation and cruelty as weapons - and those weapons can be lethal.

Unfortunately, in our culture we routinely excuse the actions of the bully, while suggesting to the victim that if they can't find the strength to tolerate or change or fix the bully, then they are at fault for being victimized.

Just ignore it. 
Words can't hurt you. 
Toughen up. 
Stop being so sensitive. 
You just need to fight back. 

And meanwhile, as we've been offering these platitudes, suicide has risen to the second leading cause of death for young people aged 10-24 years old. So, while we have been telling our children that 'kids will be kids,' kids are dying. We are talking about kids as young as eight and nine years old.

There is absolutely nothing that is funny, clever, strong, or impressive about a bully.

And bullying is not just a youth problem. Bullying has been associated with the suicide deaths of adults, as well.

It is for this reason that it is critical that we recognize the different forms of bullying, and that we intervene when we see it, or ask for help if it is happening to us.

If we don't include comprehensive efforts to address bullying in schools, on playgrounds, in the workplace, and in other areas where bullying occurs - then it will not be possible to have effective suicide prevention.

In order to better understand bullying, let's start with a definition. Bullying occurs when a person repeatedly, intentionally, and without provocation, humiliates or hurts someone else. Merriam Webster describes a bully as someone who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to those who are weaker or vulnerable.

Bullying can take place in many different ways. Some of the more common forms of bullying are as follows:

Physical Bullying / Threats

Fat Shaming / Body Shaming

Sexual Harassment and Assault

Schoolyard Bullying

Verbal / Emotional Bullying

Cyber and Social Media Bullying

Text Bullying

Workplace Bullying

Public Bullying

(If you want to learn more about these types of bullying, bullyingstatistics.org is a great resource.)

Aside from learning about the different types of bullying, it is even more important that we know what to do when we see or hear about it happening.

For years, the primary advice was to 'toughen up' the victim. This expectation was not fair, and it was not appropriate for many bullying victims. In recent years, the venues for bullying have expanded (including online bullying, social media bullying, text bullying) and the advice to the victims is not sufficient. People are suffering from PTSD and other long term ill effects of bullying, in no small part because of a culture that fostered a lack of intervention when bullying was happening. Today, people are being bullied to death. There is even a name for this now. 'bullycide.' People are dying and the number is increasing.

If you witness bullying happening, it is important you intervene swiftly, being assertive and firm. This is true if you see a child being bullied. This is true if you see bullying happening to adults at the workplace or in other areas in public or otherwise.

Effective intervention is incumbent on us all.

Research has shown that bullies can be stopped and that their behavior can be changed. It is important that they are confronted and told in no uncertain terms that their behavior is unacceptable and must not continue. According U.S. federal government website, StopBullying.gov:

"When others respond quickly and consistently to bullying behavior they send the message that it is not acceptable. Research shows this can stop bullying."

In addition, it is important to address the pervasive pro bullying-culture which allows bullies to thrive. Schools need to have mandatory anti bullying educational programs and trainings in place for both staff and students.

Zero tolerance policies must exist in both schools and workplaces. And these policies must be adhered to. It is important that young people understand that this type of behavior will have severe consequences, and it is equally important for adults to understand that their jobs will be in jeopardy if they engage in bullying behaviors.

The evidence that bullying is life threatening is now so abundant, many states have laws in place that make bullying behavior a criminal offense.

If you see bullying occurring, eyesonbullying.org offers the following suggestions for successfully intervening:

Intervene immediately. When you do nothing, you send the message that bullying is acceptable. If you ignore or minimize the problem, victims might not think that others care, or they may believe that there is no one who can help.

Intervene even if you’re not sure it’s bullying. Observing actions, words, body language, and facial expressions will help you determine if bullying is occurring. Even if it’s not, aggressive behaviors need to be stopped.

Stand between or near the victim and the bully, separating them if necessary, so as to stop the bullying behaviors. For young children, consider removing them from the situation to a “time-out” area or room.

Respond firmly but appropriately. Remain calm, but convey the seriousness of the situation. Announce that the bullying must stop. Describe the behavior you observed and why it is unacceptable.

Get help if needed. If the bully is using physical force, or there is more than one bully, you may need to find another adult to help keep children safe and protect yourself.

Do not respond aggressively. Using aggressive behavior sends the wrong message that this is a good way to solve problems. It may also prompt a bully or a bystander to increase his or her bullying behavior or become aggressive toward you.

Avoid lecturing the bully in front of his or her peers. Your goal is to end the behavior, not humiliate or shame the bully. Rather than serving as a deterrent, lecturing and scolding often provide the bully with attention that he or she finds rewarding.     

Don’t ask children to “work things out” for themselves.  Bullying is different from an argument or conflict; it involves a power imbalance that requires intervention.

Give praise and show appreciation to helpful bystanders.  Children or others who try to help the victim or stop the bully are key to bullying prevention.

Stick around. Remain in the area until you are sure the behavior has stopped.

Always remember, when you intervene and assist someone who may be experiencing being bullied, you may be saving a life. 

If nothing else, you are helping to lessen someone's pain in the moment. This in and of itself is an honorable thing to do.

Stronger, Braver, and More Compassionate

Harrogate is a town in North Yorkshire, England, east of the Yorkshire Dales National Park. Reputed as a spa resort town, it is also the full time home of just over 75,000 residents. Among its residents is teen football (American soccer) athlete, Chloe Bellerby.  

At eighteen, Chloe is well known in her community. She is a talented athlete and recently accepted an American soccer scholarship. In fact, Bellerby is quickly becoming well known in not just her own community, but throughout England as well. And not just for her talented athletic skills.

Chloe's been featured in her local press and many newspapers because of her activism on behalf of the mentally ill. She has taken on the lofty goal of walking over 200 miles, from Leeds to London, England. In the process she has raised thousands of dollars for the English mental health charity Mind.

Perhaps though, the most impressive aspect of her efforts is that she is combating the stigma associated with mental illness not just by talking about the way the disease can impact others, but by also courageously sharing how it impacts her.

Chloe suffers from a depression that began to present itself when she was still a preteen. As a bright and successful young woman, she does not look like the type of person we would associate with mental illness, and that is exactly why her voice is so needed.

"Never in a million years did I ever think I’d talk about this. It is one of the most personal things I’ll ever talk about," Chloe says of her choice to discuss her struggles with depression publicly.

"It makes me emotional even thinking about it, but talking out about it is the only way to raise awareness and make people realize that mental illness is a life threatening illness that shouldn’t be dismissed."

By the time she was sixteen years old, Chloe's depression had become agonizing, but she felt ashamed of her struggles. She felt guilty that she wasn’t enjoying life like the other teens she knew. And, even at her young age, she knew there was stigma attached to what was going on with her.

"The stigma attached to mental illness, especially in sports, meant I suffered in silence for five years of my life."

Chloe explains what it was like trying to manage her depression without any help.

"I remember thinking to myself ‘I can’t carry on like this’, ‘the thoughts are killing me’ and ‘I don’t even know who I am anymore’." 

Feeling desperate, Chloe attempted to take her life, but she survived the attempt. She says that she didn't understand how others would feel and she was unprepared for the aftermath of her actions. 

Not only had she devastated her family and friends, but she had to contend with the misconceptions that so many people have about suicide. She knew that many people would judge her now, and that some might feel that she was selfish or cowardly.

It was not long before Chloe began to consider ending her life, once again. Chloe credits a conversation with her P.E. teacher at school for saving her life.

"I had everything planned and I didn’t think there was any other way out." 

Chloe says that after her first attempt she felt even more isolated and alone than she had before. But, when her P.E. teacher spoke to her, something changed. 

"For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel alone in what felt like a never ending nightmare. He made me realize that the storm can’t last forever and he promised me he would help me get through it."

Chloe points out that for those who are suicidal, sometimes something as simple as having someone tell them that things do get better and that they are not alone, can save a life.

"Through talking and the right support, you can put your world back together again," She says.

Surviving a suicide attempt and moving forward in life with optimism requires a lot of courage. One of the most courageous things that Chloe does however, is not what she is doing for herself - it is what she is doing for others. She decided to make her story public, and to show people that those who suffer from depression and thoughts of suicide, look like everyone else.

Chloe understood on a deeply personal level what it was like to carry around the shame associated with the stigma of mental illness and with being a suicide attempt survivor. She decided to confront that stigma head on.

One of the reasons why fighting mental health stigma can be so difficult is that it often requires the stigmatized to wear hidden conditions on their shirtsleeves, for all to see. We know that it will change the way people look at us. Our constant hope is that people will notice that we are human beings first, and not define us by the condition itself. However, we have to accept that there will be many who will continue to judge us. Changing stigma takes a lot of time and a lot of voices all speaking together. It requires both bravery and tenacity on the part of the people who are speaking up.

When I spoke to Chloe, I asked her if she ever regrets going public with her story. She replied with her characteristic honesty, and said that there are times when she second guesses what she is doing.

"There are days when I feel so down and wish I had never made that decision of talking about my own story online, purely because there are times that I hate the thought of any one else knowing all of my deepest secrets." Chloe explains. "For a lot of people, it was the first time they heard that I suffered with mental illness and I constantly worry that they’ll think differently of me."

But, Chloe also recognizes that for her, the positive outcomes of her efforts outweigh her concerns.

"The whole reason I went public was to help others suffering in silence and turn what has been an incredibly difficult time in my life, into a positive," she says.

Chloe wants those who are suffering to know they are not alone, and she wants those who don't understand mental illness to educate themselves. On those fronts, undoubtedly, she is succeeding.

One thing Chloe would like people to know is that mental illness is rarely cured. Surviving a suicide attempt and beginning to make the effort to live again can be a continuing struggle.

"I would be lying if I said that there weren’t days where I still wish I wasn’t here so I wouldn’t have to continue to struggle with the agonizing thoughts that come with [depression]."

Overall though, Chloe is glad that she is alive. She told me that she understands what she would have lost, had she ended her life.

"I would never be able to live through what have been some of the best days of my life. I would never have had the opportunities that I’ve had offered to me over the last 6 months. The soccer scholarship I so desperately dreamed of since I was a little girl, would not have been possible. The people I’ve met and the experiences I’ve had would be non-existent."

Chloe's heart is with those like her, who struggle with mental illness.

"Seek help!" Chloe offers to those who are in pain. "Talking is a sign of strength, not weakness, and it’s the most powerful thing you can do."

She also offers this reminder to all:

"When ‘I’ is replaced with ‘we’, illness becomes wellness!"

Chloe also feels for those of us who have lost someone to suicide. She knows we are heartbroken and wants us to understand that we not at fault.

"I know it isn’t easy to comprehend that a loved one felt so low, they felt no other option than to take their own life. But it’s not your fault. The guilt you feel, the blame you place on yourself will only worsen your pain. Look after yourself and don’t be afraid to seek help in coming to terms with your loss."

Ultimately, like her soccer skills and her bravery, Chloe's efforts on behalf of the mentally ill come from a place of passion and commitment. She recognizes that though she can only do the part of one person, what she is doing is still important.

"I don’t think I can change the world, but I want to change the way the world thinks about mental illness," she says.

I was honored that Chloe was willing to talk to me and to tell her story. I was honored because I know firsthand that the process of coming back from a suicide attempt can be overwhelming and fraught with guilt and confusion.

I myself often admit that it is easier to talk about being a survivor of suicide loss than it is to talk about my personal experience with being a survivor of suicide attempts.

Chloe spoke to me about the path survivors of suicide attempts can take toward forgiving ourselves for our experience and accepting it for what it is.

"Maybe, just maybe, your life-changing experiences will make you stronger, braver and more compassionate."

Certainly, those are the perfect words to describe Chloe Bellerby.

You can find Chloe on Twitter, here:

@chloe_bellerby 

You can find Chloe's personal blog, here:

It's Time To Talk

No Good Thing Ever Dies

David James with his son, Peyton

When I first heard about the The Peyton Heart Project, I was struck by the beautiful way the project accomplishes its mission of bringing awareness to bullying and suicide. I knew I wanted to feature the project in a stand alone Beauty of Grief photo, and I did that on Monday, November 20th.

While researching the Peyton Heart Project, I reached out to Peyton's father David. I quickly realized that telling his story was important too, and I'm honored that he is allowing me to do that, here.

For the past twenty seven years, David James has worked as a high school English teacher. He's a husband, a father, and active in his community. He coaches the swim team at the same high school where he works, in Woodlands, Texas.

David regularly models for his students the cathartic nature of writing personal essays. He is an engaging writer and along with publicly sharing his thoughts on his own blog, his writing has been featured in the Houston Chronicle and other online and print publications. David's writing is both heartbreaking and inspirational. It is in the sharing of his personal story that his courage shines through.

David James is a survivor of suicide loss.

Peyton James died by suicide in October of 2014. He was thirteen years old when he died.

I want to tell you that the loss of someone so young to suicide is unusual. Except it's not. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people (10 to 24 years old).

This is a horrifying statistic. And, as with statistics of any kind, people need see the human beings behind these numbers. 

We are losing the children of our neighbors and our co-workers. We are losing our nieces and nephews and grandchildren. And the parents of those who have died by suicide, are suffering the greatest loss of all.

David James knows this. He lost his son, Peyton.

Peyton Andrew James

June 16, 2001 - October 13, 2014

When David talks about Peyton, he describes a boy who is sweet and sensitive. Peyton wasn't interested in athletics, but instead enjoyed reading, Pokemon, Dr. Who, and video games. He was very smart, but because he suffered from ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) Peyton sometimes struggled academically.

Academics were not the only area where school became a struggle for Peyton, he was also bullied. It began when he was very young and increased as he got older. 

In the months before he died, Peyton began to show signs of anxiety and depression. His family did what they could to address the issue, and hoped that he would improve. They weren't aware of how bad the bullying had gotten.

As is often the case with kids who are bullied, Peyton both hid what was happening to him and tried to get help at the same time. On the afternoon of October 8, 2014, Peyton called a teen hotline at his school and reported another student for bullying him.

Still, the effects of the bullying had become unbearable for Peyton. After school on that same day, he hung himself. When his mother found him, she began CPR and the paramedics continued CPR when they got there. After close to half an hour, they were able to revive a heartbeat, but he never began breathing on his own. Five days later, with his family at his side, Peyton died.

Losing a child to suicide is a grief like no other. The guilt and hopelessness that parents contend with is profound. I asked David whether he struggled with feeling responsible for his son's death.

"I was wracked with guilt in the beginning. I blamed myself outright," he said.

It was easy for David to focus on things like his divorce from Peyton's mother or a recent move he'd undertaken, as the reasons for Peyton's unhappiness. It was very difficult for him to set the guilt aside. Some days he understood that the divorce was not the direct cause of Peyton's despair. But, David would tell himself he was still at fault. He'd convince himself that if he'd been able to spend time with his son every day, then he would have been able to stop this from happening. 

David says that he finally reached out for help through counseling.

"It was through therapy that I learned that it was not my fault. The emotional pain that Peyton suffered is what drove him to die, not me."

Like many parents who are enduring the death of a child, David found that his own will to live was tested. However, his motivation to keep going was also his greatest source of support.

David James with his wife Lisa and daughter Emmy

2017

"I think of my family," David explains. "My daughter is five years old, and already lost her brother to suicide, and I know I could never let her grow up without me around."

As time goes by, his family continues to help him on his healing journey.

"They know that I am, and always will be, grieving the loss of my son. They know there are days that are good, and some that are bad. They allow me to talk about Peyton whenever I need to."

Peyton James, holding the hand of his baby sister, Emmy

In turn, David makes an effort to continue to share who Peyton was, with them. Especially, his five year old daughter, Emmy. Last year, when Emmy turned four, David wrote her a letter, so that she could learn more about her brother. In the first lines of the letter, David shares with his daughter what he most wants her to remember.

'I want you to know about Peyton. First of all, know that he loved you.'  

David instinctually understood that one of the ways to honor grief is to recognize how many parts of it are full of love. It was important to him that his daughter know that she was a special part of the last days of her brother's life.

'You were by Peyton's side when he left us. You were able to hold his hand, kiss him on the forehead and tell him goodbye.' 

David James' daughter Emmy, holding a heart for her brother Peyton,
at an AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk, 2016

Experts suggest that bereaved parents experience the most painful grief that there is. When a child dies, parents feel that a part of them has died too, an integral part of who they are will be gone forever. And yet, another commonality to parental grief is the need to keep the memory of their child's goodness and value, alive. Certainly, David James is an example of doing just that.

In the weeks following his son's death, David began collecting toiletries and other items, to give to Ronald McDonald Houses. Ronald McDonald House lodging is for the parents and families of children who are hospitalized with life threatening conditions. David himself had stayed in a Ronald McDonald House, when Peyton was in the hospital.

David also began speaking publicly about suicide prevention and awareness, especially as it relates to suicide among youth, and the impact of bullying. Sharing his story has been a constant for David. He also credits grief support groups for helping him to move forward.

"I belong to one group in particular that has helped me tremendously," David explains. "When I first attended, it helped me realize that I am not alone, and that there are others out there that have gone through the same tragedy as me."

David recognizes that healing is not just found by reaching out for help, but also, in reaching out to others.

"Over time, I have gone from needing to understand, to helping others to understand. It helps fill a void in my life. Knowing that I can help gives me a sense of purpose as well."

In fact, David is often motivated by empathy. In March of 2017, Hannah Hollis, a student at Pearland High School in Texas, died by suicide. Although he didn't know Hannah, David reached out to the students at the school by writing a letter to them to help encourage their healing. In the letter, he gave them the advice that he himself models every day, for other survivors of suicide loss:

'In the days, weeks and months to come, I ask that you please take care of yourself. Know that there are people out there who care and want to help. Take life one day at a time. Remember to eat, exercise, and talk to others. Keep Hannah and her family in your heart. They will need your strength. Take them a casserole, send them a card or a plant, write them a letter telling them how much Hannah meant to you. 

Don't forget Hannah, ever, but whatever you do, keep going.'

Perhaps though, one of the most poignant ways David has contributed to keeping his son's memory alive, is through the Peyton Heart Project.

The project distributes small knit hearts that are made by volunteers, placing them in public places for people to find randomly. The hearts represent the many hearts of lives lost to suicide. Each knit heart also has any one of a number of inspiring quotes attached to it.  The Peyton Heart Project describes their mission as such:

"We hope the hearts cause people to stop for a moment and reflect on a young life lost to suicide, on bullying, and on the fact that everyone’s life matters. We want to leave people with a feeling that there is still good out there in the world and we would like to inspire others to join us on this mission of kindness."

David James, holding a Peyton Heart Project heart.

The hearts have been ordered by schools, clubs, and individuals, and have been distributed far and wide (even internationally). You can learn more on their website, here:

David James speaks to schools, clubs, and at many events throughout the year. He talks about his son's death because he recognizes that silence further stigmatizes both survivors of suicide loss, and those struggling with suicidal ideation. 

"Suicide has to come out of the darkness. Nothing is going to be solved if we shut it in a closet and pretend that it doesn't exist."

Because of the epidemic of youth suicide, David feels that the public has to be proactive and that schools need to devote curriculum and classes to talking about mental health and suicide. He understands that some might feel that these types of conversations should only be handled by parents, but he still advocates for classes at school, as well. He worries that parents may not know when their children are suicidal, or they may not know what to say.

"If the parents don't know, how can they teach these things?" David says. 

As for what he personally tries to convey to young people - he always reminds them that there are people who love them, and whose lives would be torn apart without them. To those who are struggling with mental health issues, he says:

"Fight your demons like your life depends on it, because in the end, it just might.

I asked David what he would say to his son if he was given the opportunity to have one more conversation with him, His answer was both beautiful and heartbreaking. It speaks to the love and devotion of a father, and to his grief as well:

"Please let me help you. I promise I will stay with you until it does get better. Nothing matters more to me than your happiness and well being."

After having an opportunity to learn more about David, I am once again humbled by the opportunity to speak to a parent who has lost a child to suicide. 

Grief is different for everyone, and there is no right or wrong way to express it. However, channeling grief to improve the life of others is a beautiful way to promote healing. Sharing a personal story is also an incredibly brave thing to do, because it requires a person to stay focused on their loss. 

Every time David James shares his story with others, he is helping to address the stigma that hurts us all. In this way, David is ensuring that Peyton's legacy includes having made the world a better place. I know that Peyton made his family's life better. I want David to know that his son's life is making a difference to people he's never met, too.

On Tuesday October 15, 2015, one year after Peyton's death, David wrote a letter to his son. He told Peyton that his story was helping to remind other bullied kids that they were loved and needed in this world. 

At the end of the letter, David quoted a movie. The quote David used is perfect in describing what it is that propels all suicide prevention advocates to do the work they do, especially fellow survivors of suicide loss.

'As Andy told Red in Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption,"...hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." '

You can find David James' blog, here:

In the United Kingdom, Anti bullying Week 2017 is being held this week. I want to acknowlege it because there is such a strong link between bullying and suicide.

In recent years, a series of bullying-related suicides have drawn attention to the issue, and the statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming: 

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. 
• For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. 
• Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
• 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
• Bully-related suicide can be connected to any type of bullying, including physical bullying, emotional bullying, cyberbullying, and sexting, or circulating suggestive or nude photos or messages about a person.

Bullying can take place when one person has power over another, or peer to peer. (Including adults who bully other adults.)

Adult bullying can have consequences as severe as children bullying other children, up to and including victim suicide. 

Learn to recognize bullying. It can take many forms:

If you are not the one being bullied, but you witness the behavior or you hear about it - remember that it is often far easier for you to confront the bully than it is for the person who is being bullied.

Intervene when you see a bully, and tell them that their behavior is unacceptable.

Here are some ways to stop bullying behavior:

1. Stand up for people who are bullied. Bullies often want an audience and approval. Specifically tell them that their behavior is not acceptable and that they are not welcome to be around you if they continue to behave this way toward you or another person.
2. If you are not the person being bullied, let the victim know that you are on their side and will speak up for or with them.
3. Tell other people that the bullied person needs to be supported.
4. Talk to adults, teachers, HR Departments, Supervisors, etc. Enlist the support of those who have any control over ensuring that environments are safe.
5. Do not tell the bullied person to get over it, let it go, or accept the behavior. Bullying is not acceptable and it is not the responsibility of the person being harmed to fix or change the situation.

What do you do if you recognize that you are a bully?

1. Stop the behaviors.
2. Apologize.
3. Ask what you can do to rectify a situation.
4. Commit to not engaging in the same behaviors.
5. Ask others to point out to you when they see it happening.
6. If it is difficult for you to stop the behaviors, get professional help.

Any act of intentional cruelty can be considered bullying.

If acts of intentional cruelty are repeated more than once, they fit the definition of bullying.

Note that many schools, businesses and even states have laws against bullying and intentional harassment. Bullying can lead to suspension or expulsion from schools, professional demotions or termination, restraining orders, other legal consequences, even jail time.

For the bullied person, quality of life, self esteem, and sense of overall safety can all be severely compromised. All of these things, when heightened, can lead to suicidal thinking and attempts. Again, bullying can be a significant contributing factor of suicide among young people. 

Remember, advising a bullied child or adult to just ignore the behavior may not be helpful and can actually contribute to the shame felt by the victim. Intervention is important, and providing active support to the person being bullied is critical.

Pledge to speak up and support those you see being bullied, today.

There are many excellent websites that provide more information on bullying. You can find a short compilation of some of those organizations, here.

There are also a number of excellent books and movies about bullying. At present, Netflix is streaming the movie, A Girl Like Her - a movie that depicts the connection between bullying and suicide.

Make a commitment today to learn more about how to recognize the signs of bullying and what to do to help stop it from happening. 

Together, people can make a difference in the fight against bullying.